I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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