I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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