When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
