tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
