so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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