My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
