I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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