Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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