A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
