so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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