If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
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I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
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She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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