just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
