ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
