And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
