mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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