my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
