Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I should be sponsored by Trojan
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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