with your own penis?
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
