She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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