he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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