apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
