if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
two words...techno handjob
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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