I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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