You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
