should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
