She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
