too bad you live with your parents still
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
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my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
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we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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