That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Randomize
