While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
