I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
