Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
