You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize