Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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