its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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