OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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