More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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