Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
