maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
