so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
