Your mouth is God's brothel.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
