upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
