My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
