my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
