I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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