remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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