there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
