How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
