Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
