I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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