just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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