I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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