he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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