It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Drunk is a universal language darling
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