every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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