covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
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so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
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I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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