Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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