my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
