I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
