I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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