Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
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He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
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Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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