You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
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found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Let's paint friendship bongs
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
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yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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