Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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