Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
