guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
