i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
