I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize