If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
