I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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