Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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