i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
