tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Can you bring me the toilet please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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